Want to wish your friends and family a Happy Passover this year? Try one of these! 

Gut Yontif
(Yiddish; “Good holiday”)

Chag Sameach
(Hebrew; “Happy Holiday”)

Pesach Sameach
(Hebrew; “Happy Passover”)

Chag kasher v’sameach
(Hebrew; “Have a kosher and happy Passover”)

Kasher un Frielichen Pesach
(Yiddish; “Have a kosher and happy Passover”)

The Passover story is the Jewish people’s original story of becoming strangers in a strange land. It is the story that reminds us that we, too, have stood in the shoes of refugees and asylum seekers in search of safety and liberty. With more displaced people around the world than at any time in recorded history, the words of the Haggadah are more poignant and relevant than ever before. As we read these words, we are commanded to put ourselves back into the narrative, to consider ourselves as though we, too, went out from Egypt, from the narrow place. We do this so that we may rise up renewed in our commitment to stand together as a thriving American Jewish movement supporting today’s refugees and asylum seekers. On Passover, we have the opportunity to remind ourselves why we do this work – to remind ourselves that this is our sacred obligation, amplified by our historic communal experience. As we lift our voices in song and prayer, we call out together with those who long to be free. This year, there are still many who struggle towards liberation: next year, may we all be free.

Mark Hetfield

HIAS President and CEO

https://www.hias.org/sites/default/files/hias_haggadah19-download-color_0.pdf

SHOES ON THE DOORSTEP Before you begin the Seder, either walk with your guests to the front door or have one guest rise from the table and walk to the front door. There, place a pair of shoes on the doorstep and read the words below. Leader: The heart of the Passover Seder tells the story of the Jewish people’s exodus from slavery in Egypt. During the retelling of this story, we say the words, “בי ִא ד ָ בֹ ֵא מי ִּר ַאֲ (Arami oved avi).” This phrase is sometimes translated as “My father was a wandering Aramean” and other times as “An Aramean sought to destroy my father.” Somewhere between the two translations lies the essence of the Jewish experience: a rootless people who have fled persecution time and time again.

When we recite the words “Arami oved avi,” we acknowledge that we have stood in the shoes of the refugee. Today, as we celebrate our freedom, we commit ourselves to continuing to stand with contemporary refugees and asylum seekers. In honor of this commitment, we place a pair of shoes on the doorstep of our home to acknowledge that none of us is free until all of us are free and to pledge to stand in support of welcoming those who do not yet have a place to call home.

https://www.hias.org/sites/default/files/hias_haggadah19-download-color_0.pdf

Cleaning and cooking and so many dishes

Out with the hametz, no pasta, no knishes

Fish that's gefillted, horseradish that stings

These are a few of our passover things. 

Matzoh and karpas and chopped up haroset

Shankbones and kiddish and yiddish neuroses

Tante who kvetches and uncle who sings

These are a few of our Passover things. 

Motzi and maror and trouble with

Pharoahs Famines and locusts and slaves with wheelbarrows Matzah balls floating and eggshell that cling

These are a few of our Passover things. 

When the plagues strike

When the lice bite When we're feeling sad

We simply remember our Passover things

And then we don't feel so bad. 

(to the tune of “There’s No Business Like Show Business”)

There’s no Seder like our Seder,
Like no Seder I know.
Everything about it is halachic
Nothing that the Torah won’t allow.
Listen how we read the whole Haggadah
It’s all in Hebrew ‘Cause we know how.
There’s no Seder like our Seder,
We tell a tale that is swell;
Moses took the people out into the heat
They baked the matzo
While on their feet
Now isn’t that a story
That just can’t be beat?
Let’s go on with the show!

(to the tune of “Take Me Out to the Ball Game”)

Take us out of Egypt,
free us from slavery
Bake us some matzo,
in a haste
Don’t worry ‘bout flavor,
give no thought to taste
Oh it’s rush, rush, rush, to the Red Sea
If we don’t cross it’s a shame
For it’s ten plagues, down and you’re out
At the Pesach game

We were slaves in Egypt, now we are free. Let’s have a Seder! What’s on the Seder plate? Egg, herbs, bone, greens, charoset Let’s drink some wine. Why is this night different? Why is this child different? Ten plagues on the Egyptians. Enough already – Dayeinu! Drink wine again. Matzah, Maror, Hillel sandwich, let’s eat! Where’s the Afikoman? Thanks for the food! Drink some more Wine. Open the door for Elijah! Drink some wine – last one. Thanking and singing. Next year in Jerusalem!

Hametz is made from one of these five grains.

WHEAT

RYE

SPELT

OATS

BARLEY

Matza MUST be made from one of these five grains.  From the moment that water touches the flour made of these grains, the matza must be rolled out and baked within 18 minutes.

Kitniyot literally means small things.  They include rice, corn, lentils, beans and peanuts.  At soime point in the Middle Ages, Ashkenazi Jews stopped eating kitniyot during Pesach.  

Conservative and Orthodox Rabbis in Israel have permitted eating kitniyot, as have some Conservative Rabbis in the United States.  Nevertheless, it remains a wide-spread custom within Ashkenazi Jewry to avoid kitniyot during Pesach.  

A little boy once returned home from Hebrewschooland his father asked, "what did youlearntoday?"
He answered, "The Rabbi told us how Moses led thechildrenof Israel out of Egypt."
"How?"
The boy said "Moses was a big strong man and he beat Pharaoh up. Then while he was down, he got all the people together and ran towards the sea. When he got there, he has the Corps of Engineers build a huge pontoon bridge. Once they got on the other side, they blew up the bridge while the Egyptians were trying tocross."
The father was shocked. "Is that what the Rabbi taught you?"
The boy replied, "No. But you'd never believe the story he DID tell us!"

Sweet Kosher Wine
to the tune of “Sweet Caroline”
by Neil Diamond

Adonai said, “I never will forget you.
I will make Pharaoh set you free.”
Now here we are, drinking the wine we savor
As we recall our slavery.

(Chorus)
Hands...pouring wine,
Reaching out, red for me, white for you.
Sweet kosher wine,
You make seders seem so good
(so good, so good, so good)
We all recline
And we drink you like we should.

Adonai said, “If you can learn to trust me
Then in the end you’ll just be fine.”
Now here we are, all of these long years later
Drinking our favorite seder wine.
(Repeat chorus)

© 2012 Barbara Sarshik

to the tune of “I Want to Hold Your Hand” by The Beatles

Oh yeah, I’ll tell you something It’s one of God’s commands

When you start the Seder You need to wash your hands

You need to wash your hands

You need to wash your hands

Oh my what a feeling

Before the paschal lamb

And yes it’s appealing I want to wash my hands

I want to wash my hands

I want to wash my hands

And we wash them when we say the Barchu 

I pass the bowl around and say

On to you, on to you, on to you

Yeah, You got us praying To reach the Promised Land

Hear this we’re conveying

We want to wash our hands

We want to wash our hands

We want to wash our hands

©2013 David Vanca and Lizzy Pike 

Take the middle matzah of the three on your Seder plate. Break it into two pieces. Wrap the larger piece, the Afikoman, in a napkin to be hidden later. As you hold up the remaining smaller piece, read these words together:

We now hold up this broken matzah, which so clearly can never be repaired. We eat the smaller part while the larger half remains out of sight and out of reach for now. We begin by eating this bread of affliction and, then, only after we have relived the journey through slavery and the exodus from Egypt, do we eat the Afikoman, the bread of our liberation. We see that liberation can come from imperfection and fragmentation. Every day, refugees across the globe experience the consequences of having their lives ruptured, and, yet, they find ways to pick up the pieces and forge a new, if imperfect, path forward.

By Elissa Treuer
( Sung to the tune "Glory, Glory Halleluyah" )

My dad at every Seder breaks a matza piece in two
And hides the Afikomen half --
A game for me and you.
Find it, hold it ransom for the Seder isn't through
'till the Afikomen's gone.

Don't sit on the Afikomen.
Don't sit on the Afikomen.
Don't sit on the Afikomen.
Or the meal will last all night.

One year daddu hit it 'neath a pillow on a chair
But just as I raced over, my Aunt Sophie sat down there.
She threw herself upon it - Awful crunching filled the air
And crumbs flew all around.

Don't sit on the Afikomen...

There were matzah crumbs all over - Oh, it was a messy sight.
We swept up all the pieces though it took us half the night.
So, if you want your seder ending sooner than dawn's light,
Don't sit on the Afiko-o-men.

Don't sit on the Afikomen...

The Four Questions

Why is it only
on Passover night
we never know how
to do anything right?
We don't eat our meals
in the regular ways,
the ways that we do
on all other days.

'Cause on all other nights
we may eat
all kinds of wonderful
good bready treats,
like big purple pizza
that tastes like a pickle,
crumbly crackers
and pink pumpernickel,
sassafras sandwich
and tiger on rye,
fifty felafels in pita,
fresh-fried,
with peanut-butter
and tangerine sauce
spread onto each side
up-and-down, then across,
and toasted whole-wheat bread
with liver and ducks,
and crumpets and dumplings,
and bagels and lox,
and doughnuts with one hole
and doughnuts with four,
and cake with six layers
and windows and doors.
Yes--
on all other nights
we eat all kinds of bread,
but tonight of all nights
we munch matzo instead.

And on all other nights
we devour
vegetables, green things,
and bushes and flowers,
lettuce that's leafy
and candy-striped spinach,
fresh silly celery
(Have more when you're finished!)
cabbage that's flown
from the jungles of Glome
by a polka-dot bird
who can't find his way home,
daisies and roses
and inside-out grass
and artichoke hearts
that are simply first class!
Sixty asparagus tips
served in glasses
with anchovy sauce
and some sticky molasses--
But on Passover night
you would never consider
eating an herb
that wasn't all bitter.

And on all other nights
you would probably flip
if anyone asked you
how often you dip.
On some days I only dip
one Bup-Bup egg
in a teaspoon of vinegar
mixed with nutmeg,
but sometimes we take
more than ten thousand tails
of the Yakkity-birds
that are hunted in Wales,
and dip them in vats
full of Mumbegum juice.
Then we feed them to Harold,
our six-legged moose.
Or we don't dip at all!
We don't ask your advice.
So why on this night
do we have to dip twice?

And on all other nights
we can sit as we please,
on our heads, on our elbows,
our backs or our knees,
or hang by our toes
from the tail of a Glump,
or on top of a camel
with one or two humps,
with our foot on the table,
our nose on the floor,
with one ear in the window
and one out the door,
doing somersaults
over the greasy k'nishes
or dancing a jig
without breaking the dishes.
Yes--
on all other nights
you sit nicely when dining--
So why on this night
must it all be reclining?

I'VE BEEN WORKING ON THE PYRAMIDS  (tune: I've Been Working on the Railroad)

I’ve been working on the pyramids

All the livelong day

I’ve been working on the pyramids

‘Cause that’s the Pharaoh’s way

Till I heard brave Moses shouting.

“Rise up and end your slavery!

If you want to live in freedom, 

Israel follow me!”

We ran until the sea

We ran until the sea

We ran until the Read Sea shor-o-ore

We ran until the sea

We ran until the sea

We ran till we could run no more.

Here comes Pharaoh’s army behind us

Here comes Pharaoh’s army; we should have stayed

Here comes Pharaoh’s army behind us - 

Moses raised his rod and prayed.

And - then - the -

Red - Sea split itself in two

Red Sea split itself in two -oo-oo-oo

Red - Sea split itself in two.

Letting only Jews go through!

The Ballad of the Four Sons
(to the tune of "Clementine")
wriiten by Ben Aronin in 1948

Said the father to his children,

"At the seder you will dine,

You will eat your fill of matzah,

You will drink four cups of wine."

Now this father had no daughters,

But his sons they numbered four.

One was wise and one was wicked,

One was simple and a bore.

And the fourth was sweet and winsome,

he was young and he was small.

While his brothers asked the questions

he could scarcely speak at all.

Said the wise one to his father

"Would you please explain the laws?

Of the customs of the seder

Will you please explain the cause?"

And the father proudly answered,

"As our fathers ate in speed,

Ate the paschal lamb 'ere midnight

And from slavery were freed."

So we follow their example

And 'ere midnight must complete

All the seder and we should not

After 12 remain to eat.

Then did sneer the son so wicked

"What does all this mean to you?"

And the father's voice was bitter

As his grief and anger grew.

"If you yourself don't consider

As son of Israel,

Then for you this has no meaning

You could be a slave as well."

Then the simple son said simply

"What is this," and quietly

The good father told his offspring

"We were freed from slavery."

But the youngest son was silent

For he could not ask at all.

His bright eyes were bright with wonder

As his father told him all.

My dear children, heed the lesson

and remember evermore

What the father told his children

Told his sons that numbered four.

Some scholars believe there are four kinds of parents as well.

The Wise Parent is an utter bore. "Listen closely, because you are younger than I am," says the Wise Parent, "and I will go on and on about Jewish history, based on some foggy memories of my own religious upbringing, as well as an article in a Jewish journal I have recently skimmed." The Wise Parent must be faced with a small smile of dim interest.

The Wicked Parent tries to cram the story of our liberation into a set of narrow opinions about the world. "The Lord led us out of Egypt," the Wicked Parent says, "which is why I support a bloodthirsty foreign policy and am tired of certain types of people causing problems." The Wicked Parent should be told in a firm voice, "With a strong hand God rescued the Jews from bondage, but it was my own clumsy hand that spilled hot soup in your lap."

The Simple Parent does not grasp the concept of freedom. "There will be no macaroons until you eat all your brisket," says the Simple Parent, at a dinner honoring the liberation of oppressed peoples. "Also, stop slouching at the table." In answer to such statements, the Wise Child will roll his eyes in the direction of the ceiling and declare, "Let my people go!"

The Parent Who Is Unable to Inquire has had too much wine, and should be excused from the table.

The wise son says “Dad, wontcha call on me.” I know the Torah and the codes They’re good and they’re sweet And I know ‘em complete

The others might as well take a doze. La-di-die-diddy-die. . .

Sing us a song you’re the Pesah man Sing us a song tonight Well we’re all in the mood for a macaroon And you’ve got us feeling alright.

The wicked son curses: “bleep bleep bleep” If he’d been there he’d have died And he’s quick with a poke or to tell a bad joke And if his lips are moving it’s a lie

He says, “Dad I believe this is killing me.” As a smile grew big on his face “Well I’m sure that I could be a movie star If I could get out of this place.

Low the third of the sons is a simple guy Neither a dolt nor Einstein He’s simply gonna ask So we’ll answer, no task

And I think that’s really just fine.

And the fourth of the sons really has no clue He can’t even get the words out So we’ll tell him the story We won’t make it real boring

I don’t see us needing to shout. La-di-die-diddy-die. . .

Sing us a song you’re the Pesah man Sing us a song tonight Well we’re all in the mood for a macaroon And you’ve got us feeling alright. 

The Plagues happened at the same time as a massive volcano eruption. The volcano Santorini sent ash in to the air effecting the surrounding area. The ash is found in Cairo and the Nile River, proven by testing the composition of the ash. This volcanic eruption happened between 1500-1650BC while the Plagues happened between 1400-1550BC. So it fits there. 

1st Plague. River ran red LIKE blood. But there is a common algae plume called the Red Tide. This makes the river, or any water, look red like blood. Why did this happen? The ash changes the PH level of the river allowing the algae to bloom. 

2nd Plague. Frogs. The algae is killing fish. Fish eat frog eggs. No fish, record number of frogs. Frogs can't live in polluted water and so leave the river. 

3rd and 4th Plague. Lice and flies. The translation can actually be lice, fleas, gnats, or midges. But you have riverfull of dead fish, and now dead frogs. This brings the insects of the 3rd and 4th Plague. 

5th Plague. Pestilence. Flies, dead frogs, dead fish, easy enough no? 

6th Plague. Boils. Certain types of flies that bite can leave behind boils. The bites get infected, they turn in to boils. 

7th Plague. Fire and Hail. Ash in the air causes a mixture of ash and water. The ash, very high in the air, causes the water to freeze so when it falls it is hail and not rain. The fire? I saw this amazing picture in Nat. Geo. of a volcanic eruption. There was red lightning. It was amazing to see bright red lightning. Why is it red? Chemicals in the ash makes red lightning. So fire in the sky, and hail. 

8th Plague. Locusts. Locusts come about when the ground is very damp. They bury their eggs in the sand about 4-6 inches. After record amount of hail the ground would be very wet allowing the locusts to form. 

9th Plague. Darkness. Ash in the air. After am eruption in 1815 there was darkness for 600 kilometers. After Krakatoa it was dark for even farther for days. 

10th Plague. Death of First born. In Egypt the first born was king. They would be the one to lead the family after the father died. When food was scarce the first born ate first and some times was the only one to eat. After locusts ate every thing there was only grain locked in vaults. The hail got it wet, locust feces, it made it moldy. And so when only the first born ate, they were the only ones killed by moldy grain. 

This is not only the bread of our affliction, but also the lechem oni, the bread of those in dire need.

It's called that because of its purposeful lack of ingredients — only unleavened flour and water, nothing to make it rise, and it must be baked in haste — the food of those with nothing, those who've left everything, in desperate need of a miracle.

It is the bread we took with us when we rushed out of Egypt to pursue our destiny and our peoplehood — to pursue life.

Our Jewish family in Ukraine and those who are fleeing the country share in a single concern — life. A life of safety, of freedom, and of opportunity for better days.

As we hold them close to our hearts tonight, and remember them here at our seder tables, let us do all we can to support and comfort them — in cities under bombardment and at the borders swelling with their numbers — and to build a future whose course we shape with every act of kindness.

We do this because all Jews are responsible for one another, embodying the mighty hand and outstretched arm that has delivered our people throughout time.

This Passover, I’m placing a small dish of sunflower seeds on my seder plate to show my solidarity with the people of Ukraine. Sunflowers are the national flower of Ukraine, and have become a potent symbol of resistance to the recent Russian military invasion. They have been grown in Ukraine since the 18th Century and have been associated with Ukrainian national identity since the early 19th Century. They symbolize unity, life and well-being, and can be seen across the countryside. 

After the Chernobyl nuclear disaster in 1986, sunflowers were widely grown in the area to help remove radiation contaminants from the soil. And in 1996, sunflowers were planted in celebration of Ukraine’s nuclear disarmament. 

Two of my great-grandparents were born in western Ukraine, in what was then known as the Pale of Settlement. Conjured in stories as the family patriarch, my Hebrew name (Moriah) is in memory of my great-grandfather, Max (Mordechai). He was born in 1886 in Husyatyn and emigrated to the Boston area in the early 1900s. 

In 2005, I made the journey to the southern Ukrainian city of Odessa as part of a community exchange trip for my graduate studies. At the time, I did not feel a strong connection to this area as the land of my ancestors. But the foreignness of the city was erased by the friendliness of the people we met. From orphanages to JCCs to the apartments of homebound elderly, everyone’s love of their city and their community overflowed. 

Though we did not remain in touch, I can easily imagine these people embodying the resistance to an authoritarian ruler that is at the core of the Passover story. I can picture them on the famous Potemkin Steps on the coast of the Black Sea. In their hands are sunflower seeds. 

And so, with a dish of these powerful seeds on my seder table, I will say a blessing of peace and protection for them, for my great-grandparents and for all the brave people of Ukraine. 

Rebecca Missel is the Director of Partnerships and Content at Haggadot.com 

As we come to the end of the Seder, we drink one more glass of wine. With this final cup, we give thanks for the experience of celebrating Passover together, for the traditions that help inform our daily lives and guide our actions and aspirations.

בָּרוּךְ אַתָּה יְיָ, אֱלֹהֵינוּ מֶלֶךְ הָעוֹלָם, בּוֹרֵא פְּרִי הַגָּפֶן

Baruch Atah Adonai, Eloheinu Melech ha-olam, borei p’ree hagafen.

We praise God, Ruler of Everything, who creates the fruit of the vine.

The Cup of Elijah

We begin by pouring wine into the prophet Elijah’s cup from our own cups until it is filled. This helps us remember that we must all contribute our best talents and energies to help fulfill Elijah's promise of a peaceful world. Elijah dedicated himself to defending God against non-believers, and as reward for his devotion and hard work, he was whisked away to heaven at the end of his life. Tradition says that Elijah will return to earth one day to signal the arrival of the Messiah, and the end of hatred, intolerance and war.      
As we sing Elijah’s song, we watch to see if the wine in Elijah’s cup decreases even a little, a sure sign that he has visited.

TOGETHER: Eliyahu hanavi Eliyahu hatishbi Eliyahu, Eliyahu, Eliyahu hagiladi Bimheirah b’yameinu, yavo eileinu Im mashiach ben-David Im mashiach ben-David

The Cup of Miriam 

Miriam’s cup is filled with water to symbolize Miriam’s Well, a magical source of water that lasted during the 40 years the Jews spent wandering in the desert. We also honor Miriam’s role in liberating the Jewish people, first by saving Moses from death on the Nile and then helping to raise him. Miriam’s cup  also celebrates the critical role of all Jewish women, past and present.

TOGETHER: This is the Cup of Miriam, to symbolize the water which gave new life to Israel as we struggled with ourselves in the wilderness. Blessed are You, Spirit of the Universe, who sustains us with endless possibilities, and enables us to reach a new place.

For the sake of our righteous women were our ancestors redeemed from Egypt. L'Chaim!

DRINK THE FOURTH GLASS OF WINE

LaurieAnn Yeisley-Drogin. 2022. Miriam's Cup 5782.

Artist Statement: 

"Daughter of"

"Sister of"

You had a name

Guardian of the young and helpless

Sustainer of your people

Prophet raising spirits in celebration

Daughter, Sister, Guardian, Sustainer, Prophet

Every woman of every generation

Has wandered her own desert

Guarding, sustaining, raising spirits

From generation to generation

Women have kept the stories of our people alive

From generation to generation

Women have been guardians of the young and helpless

Hiding children in baskets on the Nile and in attics and under floorboards in Berlin and Kiev

From generation to generation

Women have been sustainers of our people

Telling the stories, sharing the recipes, lighting candles in the darkness

From generation to generation

Women have been prophets of hope

Leading songs of defiance, celebration, and deliverance in the face of tyranny and despair

From generation to generation

Your story sustains your daughters as living water sustained those who wandered at G-d's direction

We raise your cup

We say your name

Miriam

This piece came to me as a dream, with women of varying hues, of many generations, carrying Miriam's Cup to establish our place at the seder. As we celebrate the deliverance of the Exodus, one of many survival stories of our people, we remember the women who have been at the heart of every Passover meal, generation after generation, and we celebrate them.

 MY FAVORITE CLEAN SEDER JOKES

By Rabbi Daniel Brenner

In order to keep my kids and their cousins entertained during Pesach, I have a “Joke Bank” an envelope in which I keep the following jokes, all printed out on little slips of paper. If the kids get wild, I say, “pay attention for the next ten seconds and  you’ll get to pick a joke.” They love it. Of course many of these jokes are groaners, but, hey, they are the best the internet has to offer. 

Q: Why do we have an Haggadah at Passover?
A: So we can Seder right words.

A little boy once returned home from Hebrew school and his father asked, "what did you learn today?"

He answered, "The Rabbi told us how Moses led the children of Israel out of Egypt."

"How?" 

The boy said "Moses was a big strong man and he beat Pharoah up.  Then while he was down, he got all the people together and ran towards the sea.  When he got there, he has the Corps of Engineers build a huge pontoon bridge.  Once they got on the other side, they blew up the bridge while the Egyptians were trying to cross."

The father was shocked.  "Is that what the Rabbi taught you?"

As Moses and the children of Israel were crossing the Red Sea, the children of Israel began to complain to Moses of how thirsty they were after walking so far. Unfortunately, they were not able to drink from the walls of water on either side of them, as they were made up of salt-water.

Then, a fish from that wall of water told Moses that he and his family heard the complaints of the people, but that they through their own gills could remove the salt from the water and force it out of their mouths like a fresh water fountain for the Israelites to drink from as they walked by.

Knock, Knock

Who's there?

EliYa

EliYa who?

EliYaHu HaNavi

Passover Research

What kind of cheese do I eat on Pesach?

Who was the best businesswoman in the Bible?

The Jews are camped in front of the Red Sea. They see the Egyptian chariots approaching. Moses turns to his PR man.

Moses - "Nu, where are those boats you got us?"

PR Guy - "Boats? You didn't say nothing 'bout no boats."

Moses - "So what do you want I should do? Part the waters and we can all just walk across?"

PR Guy - "If you can swing that, I'll get you your own chapter in the Bible!"

Did you know that the horseradish root goes back in time as far as the matzoh does? The horseradish root also crossed the Red Sea with the fleeing Israelites. The Israelites were slaves at the time and only had access to a few vegetables. The hard and woody horseradish was one of them and was a household staple.
Nearly all the fleeing Israelites took horseradish with them. Moshe and Sadie, however, while gathering up their scant belongings, found to their dismay that they had run out of horseradish. Sadie immediately sent Moshe into the field to dig up a large horseradish root to take with them. However, because it was dark and everyone was running around in panic, Moshe dug up a ginger root by mistake.
After forty years in the desert, the Israelites finally entered the Promised Land – all, that is, except Moshe and Sadie. It took them forty-one years to arrive. When asked where they had been, Sadie, now grown old, shrugged her shoulders and replied, "Moshe insisted on taking an alternative root."

Moshe has been living in Poland all his life, but just before the 2nd World War, he sees big trouble coming. So he sells all his assets, converts them into gold and then melts down the gold to have five sets of false teeth made for him. He flees Poland and after much travelling, arrives at Ellis Island, New York, where he is interrogated by an immigration official who also goes through the contents of his battered suitcase.
When the official sees the 5 sets of false teeth, he asks Moshe why he has so many. Moshe replies, "As you might know, we orthodox Jews have two separate sets of dishes, one for meat and one for dairy products. However, I’m so kosher and religious that I also need to have separate sets of teeth."
The official is confused. "Well that accounts for two sets of teeth. What are the other three for?"
"Well," Moshe replies, "we ultra-Orthodox Jews also use separate dishes for Passover and I’m so observant that I need two sets of Passover teeth to go with the dishes, one for meat and one for dairy food."
The official is still confused. "You've convinced me that you're a highly religious man and I accept that you therefore need four sets of teeth. But what about the fifth set?"
"Well, to tell you the truth, mister official," replies Moshe, "every once in a while I like to eat a ham and cheese sandwich."

After the tenth plague, the slaying of all the Egyptian first born, the Pharaoh told Moses the Jews were free to leave Egypt. So, the Jews packed their carts with their belongings and tried to leave. The problem was, with all the dead Egyptians, the funeral homes could not handle the demand. The end result was streets littered with coffins. With the streets impassable, the Jews couldn't get there carts out of their driveways.

They complained to Moses. "We can't get out of Egypt unless you do something about these blocked streets". Moses in turn, called out to God. "Lord, please do something about this coffin problem." With all the commotion, it was hard for God to hear what Moses was saying. He thought Moses said 'Coughin" and responded by turning all the wine into cough syrup. And that is why, to this day, Jews drink Passover wine that resembles cough syrup.

What's the difference between matzoh and cardboard??
Cardboard doesn't leave crumbs in the rug!